Picture the scene:
The dishes are dirty, LEGO is scattered all over the floor, one child is pulling at your leg asking for a cookie, the other is dumping out his drawer looking for a missing superhero cape.
Are you still with me, or have you gone to your happy place?
In some parenting circles (not in mine, ha! ) it may seem shocking that I am trying to get my kids to leave me alone. However, when I’ve heard the words, “Mom, I need….. ” 378 times in 72 seconds (yes, that is an accurate count, thankyouforasking) my head begins to spin.
Today I’m going to let you in on my secret tip. It’s how, in the midst of total chaos, I can get my kids to leave me alone for 10 minutes.
For real.
But before I tell you, I issue two warnings.
One. Do NOT over use this tactic.
Two. For heaven’s sake, don’t waste your precious 10 minutes to wash the dishes, fold the laundry, clean the toilet, or any other onerous household task. To complete tasks with children underfoot, you should use my (brilliant) storytelling tip.
Use this tip only when you want to sit down, put your feet up and engage in the relaxing activity of your choice. I choose tea and a book, but who knows, you may choose knitting.
Right now you are thinking one of the following:
1. Get to the point already!; or
2: This is the cheesiest article I have ever read.
Okay. Okay. Here it is. Drum roll, please. (Just kidding. Now, that is cheesy.)
Step 1. Look your children square in the eyes.
Step 2. Make the following announcement. “I am setting this timer for 10 minutes. Until you hear the beeping/buzzing/ringing you may not ask me for a single thing.”
Step 3. Set the timer. Ignore your children for 10 minutes.
That’s it. You may be skeptical. I hear you. However, it works. Provided you don’t use it every hour of every day. Remember my first warning? Don’t overuse it. Wait until your head is spinning.
Now let’s go over some qualifications since someone is bound to point out the obvious and miss the somewhat tongue-in-cheek attitude of this post. It’s true, you should exercise common sense. It’s true, you don’t do this with babies or toddlers. It’s true, you don’t ignore your children if they are engaged in dangerous behavior. It’s true, you don’t ignore your children in the case of an emergency.
Your main takeaway should be that as a parent you CAN ask your children to leave you alone. You CAN ask for them to give you a break from making demands on your person. You DON’T have to serve them every minute they are in your presence. You CAN teach them that they can provide for their own needs for the short duration of 10 minutes. Everyone will survive, and perhaps be just a teeny bit more relaxed because of it.
Extra tip: Your child(red) may sit and stare at the timer. Who cares! Or, if they try and talk to you, do not speak back! At the end of 10 minutes you can speak back to them, and even address anything they said. The important part is to be consistent. They will get the idea.
Good luck out there!
I bet now that you’ve had your 10 minutes you are ready for more self-care!!
I would like to point you in the direction of a super helpful printable that will help you remember to take more than just the occasional 10 minutes: Mama’s Self-Care: 31 Tips. Print it out and tack it up somewhere so you never forget that you deserve 10 minutes!
Even in Australia says
“Don’t come to me unless someone is bleeding.”
maryanne @ mama smiles says
I do this same thing! Works super well!!!
Jen Robinson says
I LIKE it! I must confess to using the iPad to get my child to leave me in peace to read the newspaper. I like yours because it encourages the child, implicitly anyway, to figure out something to do on her own.
Erica MomandKiddo says
Sometimes, they get really into it and actually lose track of time so I get more than 10 minutes. The timer works, I think, because it gives them a focal point — they know there is an ending.
Natalie says
With one child it’s easier. We have a concept of parents’ time here – we get blessed 2 hours of uninterrupted time every weekend day while daughter has her time to herself. Of course, we don’t have a younger sibling that she could be torturing during those 2 hours…
Erica MomandKiddo says
With one child it is definitely easier when there is no sibling squabbling!
Sarah says
Love it! My kids have a quiet time every day during the afternoon in which they are only allowed to come out to go to the bathroom – once (or twice in extreme cases, I am not a tyrant). This gives me just a bit of time to myself and the rule is that that is MY rest time too, even if I am working… at least my ears are getting a rest 😉 Thanks for the common sense idea, I will be using, but not over-using this idea next time I feel I might explode!
Erica MomandKiddo says
I tried so hard to implement a longer quiet time when their naps ended but I could never figure out the secret to doing that! I am quite envious of you! I always ended up reading books to them instead.
tenaciouslydeveloped says
Ha! My three year old would pretend she didn’t understand the request. Normally the only breathing time I get is when she is in a bath or on her leappad (which I never fail to feel guilty about), and ‘momma, momma, momma’ gets incorporated into those as well 🙂 Maybe we can practice your technique, she’s bound to get it.
Erica MomandKiddo says
Keep practicing! Hopefully it will work soon!
Jess says
Erica, how old were your kids when you started doing this? I love the idea, just trying to think through how it might work in my family.
Erica MomandKiddo says
Hi Jess, I’ve been doing this for a few years, so I think my youngest was 3 when I started? Probably in the older 3 range. However, if I had thought of it sooner, I definitely would have tried it sooner. If your kids are little you could always start with a shorter period of time and see if it works. Mommy needs a time out — that sort of thing. Good luck!
Emma @ P is for Preschooler says
The funny thing is, when I ignore my daughter is when she does her best imaginative play. So I can get a few minutes while telling myself that I’m doing it for *her*. Double win! lol!
Erica MomandKiddo says
I totally agree!
Dahlia says
I just discovered you an hour ago and I am in awe. I love your love for books – great lists! And yes, I will try crafts again. Like tasting new foods, you can’t just give up, you have to try new ones every now and then.
Will you rethink your admonition not to over use the 10 minutes of parental “me” time? By doing it once a day it could teach your kids that you are a person deserving of having your needs met too. Making it routine might help the kids accept it. You will have a daily space to relax into – you can be sane each day. The more I think about it the more it makes sense. I am going to start doing this immediately although only on weekends as I work outside the house – 8 hours a day of relaxation ;- )
Thanks again, I am really enjoying your site.
Erica MomandKiddo says
Absolutely! I have found as they get older I can “get away with” more time!
Kara says
How much older? I have a 20 month old that is on top of me all the time. I’m about to lose it!
Erica says
What a tough age! You’ll get through it!
Erica MomandKiddo says
P.S. Thanks for your kind words about the blog, too! 🙂
Grace says
This actually worked. And I have 5 kids….. Thank you, you magical genius
Erica says
Excellent!
Brionda says
I have a 4 year old son and a 3 year old daughter. There is NEVER peace or quiet unless they’re asleep at night (both of them gave up naps around 2 – 2½) and by then I’m too tired and stressed to enjoy anything. I’m at my wit’s end. My children are not badly behaved, they just require my attention every waking second. My son talks and asks questions non stop, my daughter just wants to be held or to hold my hand all day. I swear she says pick me up about 378 times per day. They seem completely incapable of playing by themselves despite a multitude of both indoor and outdoor options and creative suggestions on my part. I will try this, but I seriously doubt it will work.