Several years ago I wrote an essay for a now-defunct online parenting magazine describing why we decided on a TV-free life and how life without television was a boon for our family and my personal sanity. Screen-Free Week starts in a few days, so I'm republishing my essay today. The word "television" now seems so old-fashioned. After all, iPads, computers and smart phones offer ample opportunity to zone out even without an actual television. Nevertheless, I hope my experience inspires you to the possibilities of living tv and screen-free, even if it's just for one week. {Note: an affiliate book link is included in this post.}
Giving Up Television
Since confessing to friends and family that I unplugged and put the television away in a dark closet the responses have followed a predictable pattern:
“You are brave.”
“My spouse/kids would never let me!”
“I couldn’t do that. I need the break.”
“How do you keep them busy?”
“What about movies?”
“But I’d miss [insert favorite TV show here].”
“My kids only watch [insert number of hours or minutes here] a day.”
There is the occasional, “We also love having no television!”
My husband tells me his co-workers just make fun of him.
Most of the responses have two aspects, the first is that the speaker thinks I am a snob, that in getting rid of my television I now believe my parenting is morally superior to theirs. In fact, I’m not at all interested in engaging in hurtful judgements over a family’s television habits. The amount of attention small children require during the day is intense, frustrating, and overwhelming. Understandably, parents jump at the chance for the effortless relief television provides. I certainly don’t feel that my parenting techniques are better than others’ just because we no longer watch television, even just the 30 minutes a day, which was my supposed, and oft-broken rule.
The second aspect of other parents’ responses is that I am going to loose just a touch more of my sanity than before, now that I don’t have TV as back-up entertainment. Well, I have news for you: I don’t have any sanity to lose, so no problems, there.
In her book, The Plug-In Drug: Television, Computers, and Family Life
, Marie Winn quotes The New York Times television critic, Jack Gould, who in 1948 (yes 1948) wrote:
Children’s hours on television admittedly are an insidious narcotic for the parent. With the tots fanned out on the floor in front of the receiver, a strange if wonderful quiet seems at hand...
Upon reading this, I realized that I was in serious danger of becoming addicted, not to my own television viewing habits (which are slight), but to my kids’. But the greater the fix I got, the greater my anxiety over what all that television viewing was doing to my kids’ brains. Oh yes, I’ve read the books and articles linking TV to poor performance in school, increased risk of ADHD, increased aggression, decreased family communication, among other dreadful, Armageddon-like complications. What I was witnessed with my own children was increased crankiness after the television, decreased interest in free play and the constant badgering to watch something.
Most importantly, however, was that I knew watching television was replacing crucial life experiences. I was worried that, as the sociologist Urie Bronfenbrenner wrote,
... turning on the television set can turn off the process that transforms children into people.
But as every addict knows, it is really hard to get rid of the drug.
The tipping point came one night when I had managed not to turn on the television, despite my husband’s late arrival coming home. The boys and I had completed a million puzzles (Yes, a million. I never exaggerate.) and the mood was relatively calm. I turned to my oldest son and said, “We didn’t watch TV, and look how much fun we had together.” He turned to me and lit up! Lit up! That was a much, much more powerful drug than tranquilizing my children in front of the TV.
The years in which my children will need my intense attention are short. In fewer than two years, they will both be in school. I’m not a parenting saint for turning off the television, I’m just trying to survive, drug-free, like everyone else. Or maybe I’ve just replaced one drug with another: human togetherness.
And in case you are curious: that photo IS our TV in the closet!
Disclosure: This post contains an affiliate link.
Holly says
Loved reading this. When I moved out from my parents house at eighteen I swore I'd never have a television again and I have stuck to it. My partner and I live a very television-free exsistence and have had many similar comments and snide remarks made about us and our choice not to watch the box! But I still maintain not having TV in the home is one of the best things in the world.
Erica MomandKiddo says
The snide remarks always confuse me. I never make snide remarks about people who watch TV, plus why does anyone care if we don't have a tv!
maryanne @ mama smiles says
We have a TV, but rarely watch it (more when Mike is home). It only works with movies, anyway. I was raised TV-free. Hooray for screen-free family time!
Erica MomandKiddo says
It's just so much more peaceful.
Kelly at Little Wonders' Days says
We don't watch a lot of tv, but I don't think I could personally could give it up altogether. I am entertaining the idea of a screen free summer though...perhaps with a movie night here and there. It doesn't sound like it was too painful to give up at your house...was it?
Erica MomandKiddo says
It take a while until the kids stopped asking for it. Once they realized the answer was always going to be no, they stopped. I think a movie night here and there sounds good. It's a treat, and family time. I've sometimes thought we might have movie night sometime, but I don't want to take the TV out of the closet, so we never have.
PragmaticMom says
I can give up TV more easily than my kids though it's not so much the TV they watch but the screens. And now the texting. I wish we were better at being screen free!
Erica MomandKiddo says
Yehh, my kids aren't old enough to have phones, yet so don't quite know how I'll be handling that.
sustainablemum says
I have never lived with a TV, I grew up without one and we don't have one in our family home. Weirdly people don't notice when they come to my house just that something looks different. We do watch the occasional movie, documentary or DVD as we have a projector and screen we do this about once or twice a week at most and always as a family. It annoys me that people feel that they should remark as I feel like I have to defend my choice when, as you say, I would not comment on those that choose to have one.
Marybeth says
I know what you mean by the crankiness after a show. Especially if it's longer than 30 minutes! And the aggression- I have been seeing that more often lately. I am seriously considering screen-free summer. Leapsters, tv, computers. Thanks for the push!!!
Erica MomandKiddo says
Good luck!
Donna Gephart says
Great essay! Barbara Kingsolver wrote one called "The One-Eyed Monster" about all the things her kids were doing instead of watching TV. I'd love to go TV-free in our house, but hubby wants it for the sports. Fortunately, our kids find lots of other activities to engage their minds and hearts. Nothing beat cuddling together with a good book when the kids were little.
Erica MomandKiddo says
I've never heard of Kingsolver's essay. Thanks, I'm going to look it up!
Tanya says
My MIL's comment: "Why would you want to do THAT?" Still makes me laugh!
Erica MomandKiddo says
That's a common one, too!